The only thing you can truly control is yourself.
Think about this, I mean, really think about this. Everything in your life involves and revolves around you. Everything in your life influences you – or not – and the choice is always yours.
So your child/friend/mother is annoying you. You can react by yelling, telling them to shut the hell up, walk away, or you can choose a different way to react entirely, (I know you might expect me to suggest other ways to react around about now, I’m not going to do that, because, as I said, the choice is yours).
So you’re in a difficult relationship, you feel unheard, unnoticed, unappreciated. Why do you feel this way?
No one can make you feel less without your permission. I know there’s a whole lot of shit that people go through in their lives, abusive relationships, violence, manipulation (this is a fairly long list), but ultimately the choice to be in the relationship is yours.
The choice to perpetuate childhood mistreatments and to continue to let them control you is yours. You are not a tree, you can move. Even prisoners are free to choose their own thoughts. So now you think: I can’t afford to move, what does she know anyway about my life, my kids, my situation?
Well let’s start here; when you hold too tightly to anything, be it property, possessions, children, people, then that thing or person controls you.
You can love without possessing, you can live without limits, as the need to control, possess, or limit others is unnecessary, because, as I said above, the only thing you can ever truly control is yourself.
Children grow up and fly away, partners might leave or die, you might break or lose your possessions. What matters is you, your life, your health. The things money can’t buy are the things that are real. Love, peace, happiness.
It all starts with you.
If dharma is the focus of life and the root of dharma is compassion, then the focal point of your compassion has to be YOU. We live in a society that expects us to live up to impossible standards, to be these manufactured, silicone filled, cosmetically enhanced caricatures of real human beings. These images lead us to dislike who we are and what we naturally look like and that really sucks!
The most beautiful enhancement you can give yourself is to smile .
18 year old student Shea Glover films people before and after telling they are beautiful
Try thinking of it in this way; to give love and live fully you need to feel loved – first and foremost by your own self – you need to fill you up with self love before you can give or receive it, otherwise you’re just trying to pour from an empty vessel. So quit berating yourself and start loving yourself.
Many relationships, however brief, often become a game of power and control. Don’t believe all the bullshit people might tell you. If he/she wanted to be with you they’d find a way, as the saying goes, find a way or find an excuse.
This is the whole point of this week’s blog, never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. You are responsible for your own happiness and you have to know that it’s an inside job, so walk your own path with pride. Stop making excuses for people who bring you down or cause you to feel rejected in any way, shape or form, you are awesome and you are worthy of love, appreciation and all good things.
Some people – usually insecure people – need to control others, keeping them hanging on, making false promises, playing the field to boost their own ego and self-worth. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, remember you always have choice.
Take hold of the steering wheel of your own life and drive away.
When a person truly loves and cares for you, you’ll know by how that person makes you feel. Energy & intuition never lie. Always listen to your gut. I was in an extremely corrosive marriage when I was younger, I was manipulated and controlled. He did this by making me feel less, unattractive etc and I allowed it. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I caught flu – proper flu – and dropped 2 stone, my confidence grew and eventually I was able to end that marriage (it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it).
Always remember you are worthy of all good things. You matter. In this great tapestry of life every single thread has a role to play in the bigger picture. Remove a single thread and the whole piece of art is ruined. Seeing the whole picture is irrelevant, what is important is knowing that you are part of this great tapestry and that YOU MATTER!
Happiness is an inside job, and a person who is happy with their lot whilst striving to achieve their dreams, exudes confidence and an inner beauty that simply cannot be replicated because it is the beauty of your spirit and soul that’s shining through your whole body.
We all do it, we all let other people become the source of our happiness, and that can be truly wonderful, but if it goes wrong then we’re left feeling devastated and lost.
Don’t allow it. Don’t accept it.
I have some really effective happiness ‘go to’ stimulants (not drugs unfortunately ), that give me an instant lift:
I have certain songs or pieces of music that pick me up (Soul Deep by Lisa Stansfield is one of my favourites);
I play with my dogs or cat;
I stand in the sunshine or the rain just to feel the warmth or droplets on my face;
I go outside and sit in nature, (under a tree or on the beach or walk in the park);
I dance – and I don’t care who’s watching! ;
I chant “Om Namo Narayani” (sanskrit) meaning “I surrender to the Divine Mother”
I ask my angels and spirit guides to lift my burden – it works every time, I just suddenly feel lighter, (every faith & most cultures in the world recognises the angelic realm in one form or another, so nobody is excluded here ).
These pick-me-ups are amazing, free and are instant for lifting me up when I’m feeling down. Try it, or come up with a few of your own (if you have some suggestions of your own, I’d love to hear them, please share them in the comments box below). The only thing to remember is that your happiness cues can never be linked to another person, it’s just got to be all about you, your heart, mind, body & spirit.
I wish you happiness & light in your darkest moments. Remember you are beautiful and worthy of all good things.
Peace & light to you ૐ )0(